35 Reasons You Should Never Visit London

35 Reasons You Should Never Visit London

Go to London, I guarantee you’ll either be mugged or not appreciated.

1. For some reason London is one of the most popular travel destinations on the planet.

Hampstead Heath, London

2. This can only mean one thing: people are stupid. I mean, look at it. What a dump.

Millennium Bridge, London

3. For starters the Thames is disgusting.

Dartford Crossing, London

4. There’s no wildlife to be seen except squirrels and foxes.

Richmond Park, London

5. Autumn in London pretty much sucks.

Putney, London

6. It almost never snows in winter, and when it does it’s just grey slushy stuff.

Battersea Park, London

7. Spring is a massive let down.

St James’s Park, London

8. And summer? Well, you get the idea.

Primrose Hill, London

9. The main problem with London is that it’s just so grey.

Kew Gardens, London

10. All the time. Grey, grey and more grey.

Chris Jl / Via Flickr: chrisjl

Brick Lane, London

11. And this incessant greyness just brings everyone down.

Valters Krontals / Via Flickr: themoonkeeper

Notting Hill Carnival, London

12. Because nothing looks good in grey.

Hampstead Heath, London

13. All the new buildings in the city have totally ruined the skyline.

The Square Mile, London

14. And the older buildings aren’t much better.

Royal Albert Hall, London

15. Come on, Natural History Museum. You’re not even trying!

Natural History Museum, London

16. As we all know, Londoners hate everyone.

Broadwick Street, London

17. But can you really blame them when it looks like this?

St James’s Park, London

18. What a load of shit.

The Serpentine, London

19. Of course the pubs in London are overcrowded and have zero character.

Notting Hill, London

20. Borough Market is just a tourist trap that does, at best, average food.

Borough Market, London

21. And who wants a market dedicated solely to flowers?! Fuckwits. That’s who.

Columbia Road Flower Market, London

22. In London it’s impossible to find any peace and quiet.

Hyde Park, London

23. And if your desires are… unconventional, there’s nothing here for you.

Soho, London

24. Tube stations are utterly characterless.

Marble Arch Underground Station, London

25. Don’t even get me started on the train stations.

St Pancras International, London

26. Oh, you like the Southbank? Aren’t you original.

The Southbank, London

27. The Olympics was a total waste of money. Legacy, my arse!

Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park, London

28. And while we’re on the subject, no view in the world is worth paying to go up the Shard.

The Shard, London

29. East London is just full of of beards, cereal cafes and restaurants where you can’t book a table.

Victoria Park, London

30. Not to mention all the graffiti.

Shoreditch, London

31. Greenwich Mean Time? More like a massive WASTE of time amirite?

Greenwich Park, London

32. And the view from the top definitely isn’t worth it.

The Royal Observatory, London

33. Why on earth The Kinks decided to sing about something as boring as a Waterloo sunset I’ve got no idea. Fuck you, Ray Davies.

Waterloo Bridge, London

34. And after ten minutes in the Tower of London you’ll be BEGGING them to behead you.

The Tower of London, London

35. So in summary: London is a pile of wank and you should stay well away.

Battersea Power Station, London


Luke Miller / Via Flickr: millerartwork

The Shard, London

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/reasons-you-should-never-visit-london

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